dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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