i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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