wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
