does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
