I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
