we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
