you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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