laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
