I am puke
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
