The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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