My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
