I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
