When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
