we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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