Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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