We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
