You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
So. Much. Porn.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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