I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
