I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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