I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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