I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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