I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
