the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
