there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
