So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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