My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
