it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
In America we eat man semen.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
