You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
