Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
