So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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