Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
