i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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