I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
