I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
