It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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