He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
