and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
