Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
