Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
