Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
