Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
