For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
