having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
