its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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