i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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