I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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