I am midnight drunk by noon
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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