He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
