My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
