at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
