New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
